Joinsupermoms

No man is an island. While some of us function perfectly as hermits, the truth is we all need a network of people who can provide us with the right practical and emotional support at the right time.

Building a support system is crucial for single moms because we navigate the challenges of both parents on our own. This can lead to stress and anxiety, causing mental health problems ranging from mild to debilitating.

For your network to provide the right practical and emotional support, you will need people in it who are family, friends, and even complete strangers. Let’s talk about where to find them and how to build strong, lasting relationships when you do.

Start with your family and friends: While we might not always have the happiest family or the best of friends, chances are there may be someone in your family who tends to listen and show an interest in you. This person may have reached out in the past or if you wronged them was often willing to forgive or tolerate you. Communicate openly with such family and reach out to friends about your needs and challenges.

Whether it’s with childcare or emotional support, express your needs specifically and clearly. Of course, be considerate. Everyone is dealing with something. But don’t feel like a burden or hold back from saying exactly what you need.

I’m not one for support groups just because I never saw the value of what I considered a talk shop, pity party or crying over spilled milk. I also often didn’t have the time between showing up and hustling at my business, attending divorce hearings, getting the kids’ homework done, cooking and self-care. I have found though that the right support groups share experiences you can learn and grow from.

The right support groups are specialised. So look for specialised support groups. They help you see how others recovered from situations possibly worse than yours, so you don’t feel alone in your situation or embarrassed at your circumstances. The right support groups left me with feelings of gratitude, a motivation to work hard and in some cases even helped me develop new skills or gave me business ideas.

They may be local or online support groups for single moms in business, artistic single moms, survivors or other quality that adds value to a single mom support group. Such groups don’t generally go by the title “single mom”, but rather titles like Women in Business, Womenpreneurs or they strike out the gender label altogether and just go with their team, like BizLab. Basically, they’re not just together because they are single moms, they are single moms trying to learn and achieve something.

I’m not saying that single mom communities serve no purpose. I’m saying target a group that not only provides a sense of community and understanding but also gives you role models to look up to and potential business partners, trainers, and mentors. They generally don’t see themselves as disabled (with one parent instead of two), but accountable (to their kids, to themselves) and driven to achieve the success of any successful two-parent family.

They have tips and practical advice on how to get legal, financial, and academic support. They will toss 0 capital business ideas at you like toys to play with. They can link you to community resources including parenting classes (in fact some of them are coaches and counsellors), community centers, and non-profit organizations that offer support to single parents. Most of them are professionals or highly skilled in their trade.

If you’re in a country that provides government programs, like food assistance or childcare subsidies, that can provide financial relief, however, a specialised support group will quickly show you that you possess skills within your nature that a ready market is willing to pay for.

One such skill might be Babysitting. You could build a babysitting network. Coordinate with other single parents to create a babysitting co-op. Services could be as bare as school pick ups and as busy as watching the kids while another mom had to be away. This can be a cost-effective way to share childcare responsibilities while building your support network.

Search within you what skills you might have that could solve a problem within your community. If you feel you really don’t have the skills, it’s time to develop yourself and make new friends as you do. Learn free from existing skill within your support group or online with a professional trainer.

In some cases, you might already have a job that keeps you busy enough. In that case you could build your support system within your professional unit. Inform your employer about your situation and discuss flexible work options or family-friendly policies.

Seek out mentorship or guidance from colleagues who may have experience balancing work and single parenthood.

Create a self-care network. This is a group or network of people you can carve out from your own general well-being routine. As you make time for self-care activities, find like-minds in places such as the gym during exercise or games or hobbies at the sports club, a book club or other recreation or religious centre.

This presupposes that you go out and show up. That you’re caring for yourself. Self-care requires a decent amount of planning and organising.  Try to develop a reliable schedule for daily tasks and responsibilities to reduce stress and create a sense of order. I have found organizational tools and apps help to keep up with appointments, school activities, and other commitments. That way you can plan to show up and organize yourself to make each outing worthwhile.

Consider seeking therapy or counselling to help manage mental health and emotional challenges if going out, planning, and organising is a persistent issue for you.

I have met a few hermit supermoms, I won’t lie. They work online creating content, as virtual assistants or as caterers churning out meals for delivery to customers. Their support systems are essentially found online. Online forums and social media groups do exist that provide a virtual support system and valuable advice.

If that is your case, be sure to participate in discussions, ask questions, and share your experiences to connect with others.

I’m not saying online forums are not resourceful, but however hermit these tech supermoms are, I find they still get out on quite a regular basis. Well, because they are moms, they engage with school and childcare providers.

Establishing good communication with your child’s school or childcare provider is primordial. Besides being a protection for your child, their school or childcare provider may well offer support or connect you with other parents in similar situations.

This is a good time to put pride aside and be open to help. Accept help graciously when offered. A resourceful support system genuinely wants to support you, so let them do so and show gratitude.

Building a resourceful support system takes time and responsibility. It is a diverse network of close family, friends and even strangers. While you ask for help and actively seek and nurture connections, see what value you too can bring to each relationship you join. Parenting on your own is a challenge. I can’t tell you it’s easy. But then, as the cliché goes, nothing good comes easy. A resourceful support system, while hard earned, is a treasure for life.