Joinsupermoms

My family always travelled, and sometimes on very short notice. It became the norm for us to pack up and relocate, learn a new language, and learn a new meal. That was one tradition that defined my life.

Wherever we went we had to plug ourselves into the culture: Language and Food. We always relied on the locals for the most organic recommendations. My dad believed it was the most sustainable way to live and the healthiest way to feed.

Perhaps the only thing I would carry along was my equivalent of a Stanley tumbler. Something I could easily pour a hot or cold drink in and sip as we went along. To this day, I still drink like a fish.

My mom would even add and adopt the style of dress. But one thing we all had to learn was the language and the food. Every three to four years, new language, new food.

If nothing else, we would learn to say hello, my name is and thank you.

As a kid, it was exciting. I enjoyed every novelty, the airlines’ love and attention and the discovery of new people and new foods. As a teen, it was excruciating, to make friends and to lose friends.

But we also made a tradition of saying goodbye with a small get together – an opportunity to showcase all the language and food that we had learned.

Those must be the origins of my attitude to travel. I’ve never felt a visit was complete without inserting myself into the culture. Hence, I never quite understood the demarcation between the tourist and the local and I never quite understood the demarcation between the expat and the middle to upper class local.

But these demarcations exist. And these days are even more real.

So, whenever you travel, it’s important to know what demarcation defines the perception of you and try to be as compliant and considerate as you can be. It’s the most sustainable way to live and in fact the healthiest way to feed (in every sense of the word).

At times we cross over smoothly between demarcations, but its always useful to understand how others perceive you.

Never assume you know the others’ reality or that you have a better solution to what you perceive as their problem. Share, but do not impose, lest you become guilty of the crime of colonialism.

These are murky waters, but we must wade through them. Travel is part of learning and living. Indeed, our world suffers from the disease of those who fail to travel because they really haven’t lived.

It’s so huge a part of our learning and being. And I am so relieved that the number of women travellers is on a steady increase. In fact, according to this PBS news report, the majority of people travelling alone these days are women.

Our ancestors were known to have travelled and explored for survival. If you have ever checked your ancestry, there’s a good chance your roots are scattered beyond your country of origin.

So really, travelling the world is part of who we are. But why are the world’s biggest travel destinations seeking to tighten the rules on immigration and travel? Why do some locals have an aversion for tourists?

Among other reasons, it has to do with the way we perceive ourselves and what we feel we are entitled to within our demarcations.

Tourists are seen to litter the streets, drive up prices of goods, services and accommodation and displace the locals.

Immigrants are seen to weaken social cohesion, dilute cultural norms, self-segregate and worsen economic difficulties. Disloyalty in terror has also been cited as an issue.

I feel like I have enjoyed the best of both worlds. When it comes to citizenship and travel, I’ve been a Visitor in all its definitions: tourist, student, immigrant and business owner. I’ve also been a Local in several of its definitions: colonized, citizen or local host.

I try to reflect on what has made my travel, immigration and citizenship mostly positive and what may account for the positive reactions I have also received from my foreign hosts.

Particularly if you’re a supermom and want to explore, discover or start afresh, here, I share with you, keys to sustainable living and healthy soul feeding through travel.

Let’s start with my takeaways as a local. Because, before being a visitor, you are a local.

You are a rich part of a very beautiful world. There are at least 195 countries in the world, and many more within those countries fighting to be countries of their own.

So, here’s the newsflash: you can never ever be alone in your country because we all need each other. As we all have different resources, and some countries cannot survive without the others, we all either ask, sell, steal or kill to get resources.

To survive, most people do the first two. Too many people, do all four.

Asking or selling are fine. Stealing or killing are not. Be the local who naturally asks or sells by developing in-demand skills or refining the resources you have that others may come for.

That way when you meet a visitor who is asking, you are ready to sell your wealth of knowledge, skill, expertise and even compliance and rules to get them.

On the other hand, if a visitor is selling, position yourself to select from their offer and ask for the resources and tools you need in return. But don’t get greedy, be willing to work with your community if there is need to pool your strengths.

To sell yourself or your resources and attract that of others, you must learn to stay polite and honest no matter how unforgiving the economy or how naïve a visitor may be. Also, do not be self-centred no matter how difficult your community may be.

As a supermom, consider monetizing your knowledge, skill or expertise.

Position yourself for businesses in tutoring, assistance, selling your homemade products, catering local delicacies, or processing local raw material – making or designing things.

It is true that people are stronger together. It’s a common denominator that keeps a visitor coming – kindness and social cohesion, because these lead to shared wealth and development.

And because we need each other, never systematically dismiss the asking or selling visitor.

Protect yourself from the stealers and killers, but don’t let them turn you into one of them. This is so hard if you’re living in a conflict zone, and I cannot imagine how this might feel, especially for young people.

I’ve always been lucky to be able to flee from violent conflict, but if you’re not, I can only hope and pray that you find a safe place in your heart to stay lucid.

Most stealers and killers, however, do not present themselves as such. Their actions can be more passive, so this is where your rules come in.

If you’re not okay with a visitor doing or taking something, put rules in place with polite reminders that prevent them from doing so.

Of course, not every visitor will comply, but stay firm and consistent.

Get your community involved, especially if it has to do with a community staple, design or asset. That way, whatever rules you make can be adopted and accepted by all. Perhaps reward visitors who do comply.

There are different causes for one problem. Unemployment, expensive housing…all have multiple causes. Research shows that sadly, most of the causes are from within us locals.

Perhaps we didn’t prepare to accommodate the number of visitors we agreed to accept. Perhaps we don’t have the right rules in place. Perhaps some of us are not complying with our own rules. Or perhaps some of us are being self-centred.

Whatever the case, until you’ve solved a problem from within, you haven’t really solved it sustainably.

You have a duty to educate. This is a visitor. Inform them of how things are done in your community and why.

Absolutely explain the why because a visitor may not see the rationale being following certain social norms. Invite the visitor to local outings, let them share in your realities, joys and guiltless pleasures.

You have a responsibility to improve. If your visitor is succeeding at some aspect in life, health, wealth or refining their resources in a way that is beneficial to a greater community in the long run, don’t get stuck in your traditional ways.

Learn from the visitor without placing them above yourself or your culture. Acknowledge their achievement, learn the good and adopt it. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, but certainly don’t keep the bathwater either.

Now that you know how to be a better local, explore your options and see if you too could be a visitor. Remember, travel is learning, so let’s talk about how you could be a better visitor.

You are a visitor, so you may act, look, or sound different. Expect to be treated differently and prepare to react with courtesy. We humans are generally idiots. When something is new and we don’t understand it, we act like idiots, no matter how educated we are. Think about general reactions to AI.

While you should not condone discrimination or disparaging remarks, demonstrate decency, etiquette and good manners in every response you give.

Think about how you would like to be treated by a visitor if you were a local. Learn before you travel, about the culture and attitudes of your destination country.

If the opportunity calls for it, share your experiences with others rather than impose your culture and attitudes on them. Do not speak as if your culture is better or superior. Remember, we’re ALL idiots. It’s why the world is a royal mess.

I remember my mom telling us about our life in Sweden, where I was born. The “locals” would stare at us in awe, one even rubbing on her brown skin to see if the color would come off.

This person was genuinely curious and not assaulting, so my mom politely explained that it’s not paint but actual skin, that people have different skin colors and different shades of the same color, just like plants and animals do.

Even people you assume are enlightened may not be quite as much. When I was born, some medical staff attending to us were in shock to learn that a brown woman could deliver a “white” baby.

My mom factually explained that every baby is different, and indeed some brown babies are born very light and darken as they get older.

I remember shopping at a toyshop in Niamey with my family and we were chatting when an American couple accosted me to ask where I learned English. Like my mom, I simply told them: at school.

They did seem confused. I remember not having a clue why. My family was busy at the shelves when the couple walked away dazed.

It was an interesting way to grow up because I didn’t see lines between race and wealth. I saw people who were smart and others who were genuinely ignorant.

I appreciated that because some people are less courteous than others, their ignorance could come off as rude. And that because some people are either less travelled or raised in less diversity, they may have a mental health problem called racism.

And that is still the way I see it when I travel. Noting that the most ignorant are the least travelled.

Now, in hindsight, I ask myself if the courtesy and politeness may not have been determined by the neighbourhoods we lived. That brings me to my next point.

Expect to be treated according to the rank of your travel documents. This is in fact a sad reality of our world: every traveller is ranked. Most people in any country would treat you with dignity, but don’t expect that as a given.

Unless you’re travelling in business or first class, are a diplomat, high ranking expatriate or an above middle-class tourist, appreciate it when you are treated well.

Especially appreciate cultures that treat all people, regardless of their travel rank, race, or gender with an equal level of dignity and respect. If you’re a supermom, love them. They are few and with immigration rules changing, are increasingly far between.

If you are travelling in those groups, you will generally be shielded from most brow raising realities. If, however, you lose your shield, do not feel entitled to special treatment by anyone. Economies are stretched, inflation is high, and locals have no special obligations to you.

Taking me to likely the most important consideration when travelling: If it’s not safe, don’t visit without the aid of a trusted local. If you must absolutely visit this place that is known to be hostile toward foreigners, especially women, don’t do it alone.

Yes, there are lots of crocodile tears out there, but never quickly dismiss a woman’s story of trauma and assault. It could happen to you.

Rape, murder, assault and kidnapping are real. So are terrorism and organ trafficking. These vices are someone’s hustle, hobby or addiction.

They are often tied to religion and politics but are almost wholly about some individual’s money and power, so take your security seriously and don’t get caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If you’re really keen on discovering the sweet thrills of travel to the riskiest destinations, follow indigo traveller on YouTube, and I can promise you’ll get a healthy dose. If you still want to visit, at least you’ll know what to really expect.

Travel with a purpose and focus on it. You can’t please everyone, and no one is obliged to adopt you. Focus on what brings you to this place and what value you can add to it. Try not to leave it worse off when leaving.

Not everyone understands their country’s problems from the same angle. Some believe you or your “type” are the problem.

Most people can’t afford to travel, and those who can, may not understand why you should. If you’re white, you are the symbol of wealth and imperialism. If you’re brown, you’re a part of the corrupt political elite. Either way, you’re the cause of their problems.

You don’t have to indulge every sceptic or naysayer, but absolutely never be rude, condescending or inappropriate.

Just focus on what brings you to this place, concentrate on your rewarding experiences and let distracting voices and incidents fade out naturally. If they don’t, it’s probably not the place for you, the time will come, and you will leave.

Finally, when you find a people who love and accept you and want you to stay, be good family. Adopt them right back and be loyal as a guide dog. Find your place, play your role, pay your taxes and understand that no one and nowhere is perfect. Home, is where the love is.