Joinsupermoms

Are there any activities or hobbies you’ve outgrown or lost interest in over time?

Unless it is serving a well-defined purpose, you need to stop keeping a diary now. Here’s why it could hurt you.

Keeping a diary or journaling is one great way lots of women choose to express themselves. Statistically, we keep the highest number of diaries.

Some of us start at a very young age and carry on into adulthood.

Well, one activity I have definitely outgrown is keeping a diary. I limit personal writing to specific events and experiences I want to commit to memory or share with others. Someday, I might publish a compendium of events that have shaped me.

I stopped keeping a diary and started actively learning to express myself openly and objectively for 3 reasons. These reasons are very specific to my personal experience.

If these reasons resonate with you, I highly recommend you stop keeping a diary too. Or at least, like I have, redefine and refocus your writing.

I used to journal everything. From the colour of my toothpaste to that random conversation I started with a complete stranger.

And some would argue journaling is healing, rewarding and even educative.

I don’t disagree. One of my favourite books of all time is The Diary of Anne Frank. After reading her story I grew to love life, understand humanity and learn to see the silver lining in every dark cloud.

But what happens when your diary replaces much needed open, honest communication or a releasing confession?

The Problem with Journaling

Don’t get me wrong. Journaling has proven benefits including organising your thoughts, pinpointing your emotions and tracking your goals. But those are benefits that are not limited to your writing skills.

Consider also that journaling has led some to overthink and overanalyse a problem, thereby increasing their anxiety.

Additionally, some people end up replacing life experiences with journaling. They fail to live in the moment because they are overthinking about how and what to journal. Anxiety also arises from fear of your journal being read by others. This would be an invasion of your private space.

Much of the efficacy of journaling comes from the ability of one to write…without the fear of judgement, safe in the knowledge that the journal will not be read by others.

Phipps JJ. E-journaling: achieving interactive education online. Educ Q 2005.

Journaling is, in reality, a cry to be heard. Until that cry is heard, the lingering void is just never filled. This void may sometimes express itself in actions that lay people fail to understand.

A 2022 study demonstrates that as a medical tool, journaling may only work when prescribed as an adjunct. Journaling is well indicated as a low-cost and generally beneficial option. But it is best combined with specific guidance on how and what to write as well as other lifestyle changes.

So, unless it’s serving you a real purpose, stop keeping a diary now. Here’s why it could hurt you.

It stopped being a means to an end

I started journaling as a teen. It was a time of self discovery, navigating through cultures and trying to understand where I fit in. It was also time to analyse and convince myself of which values I wanted to define me.

Managing the emotions and questions that came with all that was overwhelming sometimes. My parents didn’t understand how I processed my experiences. So it helped to write, meet my emotions, understand my triggers and explore outlets.

My writing had an outward looking purpose. It helped with answers to internal questions, a means to an end. The end served me and my overall self development. It made me better person, and I could track that.

Having children redefined my personality and goals, including who I wanted to communicate with. Whom I needed to communicate with, and how. I still enjoyed writing, but journaling was not quite the outlet. It wasn’t addressing the practical requirements of raising children.

At some point I found that I stopped writing with an outward looking purpose. My journals were my rants, my joys, my pains, my release…but only for me. I was self-consumed, at times narrow minded, almost selfish. But alas! Life didn’t revolve around me and my worldview.

Ask yourself why you are keeping a diary. It could be that you are tracking or recording events or processes you hope to refer to. Or perhaps you hope to share valuable lessons or draw the attention of others to your experiences or certain patterns.

You might also consider your diary as your message in a bottle, your warning to others or your secret code to success in some area of life.

Try this instead

Whatever your reasons, try to find an outward looking purpose to your journaling. It looks outward because your ultimate goal is to improve yourself and share your journal lessons with others – a trusted friend or even a professional.

I soon found that others were going through similar experiences or experiences of greater scope. I was so grateful for those who shared rather than hoarded theirs.

If you keep a diary, it helps to ask yourself why you do. Are you journaling to diagnose your triggers, track your symptoms, or share your experiences some day?

Unless there is an outward purpose to your writing, you may very well be nurturing a selfish, sometimes dark person on the inside.

I wasn’t being heard

And that just built an inner frustration. I felt no one understood me. Well, if I didn’t learn to express myself in spoken word to people, of course they wouldn’t understand me.

Sometimes journaling leaves you so socially awkward. You may limit your social interactions because your journal is your friend, your trusted companion.

You don’t learn how to sift the good and trustworthy friends from the general crowd. Or how to handle criticism, because your journal is your quiet shock absorber. Perhaps you can’t really share because you don’t verbalise, you don’t express.

You’re like a treasure chest, dying to be opened, but too too afraid to dare.

At one point journaling helped because I was writing about people and our interactions. But that became counterproductive as I was only reporting them to my journal. I never actually communicated my feelings to the real people or learned to manage their reactions.

In real life, it helps to confront people. Not necessarily to be aggressive. But to lay down your boundaries. To say what you’re going through so they know what to expect of you and vice versa.

For example, I stumbled on a blog by a mom who home schools her child with ADHD and it really helped me put in perspective the suggestions I make to single moms and my expectations of them.

I don’t know if she keeps a diary. What I do know is sharing her experiences in a blog provided that outlet to be heard. Views, visits and comments contribute to reassuring her that she is being heard and not alone.

Try this instead

If you keep a diary, complement it by talking to real people and sharing real experiences. Share your likes, dislikes, boundaries, problems and lessons. Share everything that reassures you that you are heard.

If you have a life that others could benefit from knowing about, please share. People are going through so much, it helps to know they’re not alone. Or to just laugh and be happy from sharing in your joys.

Even if you don’t plan to share your diary now, be open to writing with a view that someday someone might benefit from your writings.

I thought I had to guard my secret

Unless you’ve uploaded your diary to the blockchain, chances are, your diary is an open secret.

And, unless you’re the Duchess of Cambridge, it doesn’t really make headlines that you skipped your kid’s school event to get that much needed spa break. Eventually, you’ll make it up and your kid will forgive you.

I thought my diary was so confidential and I guarded it with my life. It was my cryptocurrency locked away safely in some imaginary metaverse.

Each diary had to meet specifications, and there are these cute ones that even come with a lock and key.

I can’t describe the release I felt when I shared my “secret” with trusted friends. Ironically, you can’t imagine how empowered I felt when a “trusted” friend betrayed that trust.

It turned out, as it often will, that I was not the most scandalous of all “scandalers”. Instead, I was now blackmail-proof.

Guarding my secrets in a diary somehow prevented me from being authentic. It even made me sad, almost jealous when I saw others fully and confidently express who they were and how they felt. Even when the matter was dreadfully controversial.

Like when my classmate, Crystal, in high school announced she had had an abortion. I would never have had the gut to admit that. It would have gone straight into my diary, under lock and key and buried under some dungeon.

But you know what? I would not have been the first high school kid to get an abortion. And Crystal got all the support and assistance she needed. Critical voices eventually faded out.

When your shared experiences are controversial – not illegal – you leave a precedent in courage. You are authentic. You also open the way for us to research and understand certain phenomena.

A different approach to Journaling

These days I write freely and honestly with the hopes of helping some single mom become more confident and empowering herself.

A guide, an article, a letter.

Sometimes, that means sharing some deep life experiences.

I’ve ditched the inward looking diary writing habit. I feel unburdened and I am heard. These are the 3 reasons I stopped keeping a diary and why you should too.

Or I’ll perhaps put it off to some distant future when I travel to an adventure I’d like to share.

Travelling is instructive and rewarding. It is a worthwhile experience to journal because it yanks you out of your comfort bubble. Learn how to be the type of visitor locals love and pick a place to visit.

I am thinking Antarctica and my daughter wants to see the northern lights. And that, I would definitely share with you.

Keeping a diary has it’s pros and cons. Be sure you’re writing with the pros in view.

Whatever you do, keep writing with an outward looking purpose, make sure you are being heard and never be ashamed to be authentically – even controversially – you.