Joinsupermoms

Whenever you feel hurt from loss of anything, be grateful for what value the experience added to you. If you can judge every situation by what you gained from it, you can practice healing from grief through gratitude.

An example is a long-term relationship. A long-term relationship is an emotional investment, so ending it certainly leads to grief. Grief is different for everyone, but healing is a must for anyone who wants to grow positively.

One of the best gifts I ever got was from a missionary and volunteer teacher in high school. It was a gift that taught me that loss is a part of life. You can grow positively from loss by practicing gratitude.

The gift was a collection of love songs she and her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, a US marine, used to love listening to. She arranged the songs into a customised album so that each song told the story of their relationship in chronological order.

From discovering herself and her feelings to meeting the love of her life, falling in love and now learning to say goodbye.

It was heart wrenching yet beautiful to listen to. It bore a valuable lesson in gratitude despite losing love. She wasn’t as sad as she was hopeful. Now that’s an interesting thing because, falling in love, grieving and healing bear a heavy weight. But her gratitude for meeting and enjoying this man made her trust in loving again.

While she was grieving, she was healing from grief through gratitude.

There was a Travis Tritt, Anymore, that made you want to bellow out your feelings, and a Bette Midler and Celine Dion duet, Tell Him that told you how. But then there was an Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith duet, Somewhere Somehow that kept your glimmer of hope in love’s return even when life forced you to say goodbye.

She called this customised album of over 20 songs, Me and You, Our Greatest Hits. It was a gift to her soon-to-be ex, and she gifted me a copy.

Why This Gift Meant the World to Me

Well first of all, it meant she cared about me and trusted me very much.

I was going through depression. My family were constantly moving to a new country, and I was finding and losing myself in the process. To me, losing what was yours and believing you would find it again, knowing that it would somehow return to you kept me confident that I would be okay.

Of course, that’s a simplistic way to put the complexities that life teaches you about self, family, friends and relationships. But I think for every single parent, accepting loss and embracing novelty is a necessary part of survival.

Understanding this keeps you truly self-sufficient, organically empowered. Because even when you suffer loss, your candles don’t go out.

In the case of romance, just knowing you can be in love again is enough. It does not mean you have to be in a relationship or that you have to be seeking to be in one. It just means you are content, you have forgiven, healed, and let go. Perhaps your focus is not romance, but you certainly don’t resent it.

I find that it helps to focus on the positives that came out of the experience. As for the negatives, I appreciate that I needed them as a lesson in what not to do in the future.

If you are a supermom and unsure if you’re ready to get back into the dating arena, here are a few tips. Be sure that you have moved on from being upset, jealous or needing and that the wound is no longer raw.

But one thing is for sure, romance shouldn’t haunt you, and it shouldn’t sadden you. You don’t regret it and you don’t resent it.

What I learned

Nurture a deep, meaningful relationship. When it comes my way or when I go for it. No, romance doesn’t always come your way and a person who is worthy of you would be grateful that you came for them.

What would make a relationship meaningful to you? When you meet someone who satisfies that meaningfulness, be sure that this meaningfulness is a core part of what you are nurturing.

Do not limit what you’re nurturing to sex. Sex is an expression of something meaningful. Without that something, it risks lacking substance and just being an enjoyable fitness routine.

It doesn’t matter that the other person is a US marine who might be flying out on the next fighter jet and never return. If they satisfy what is meaningful to you, make the most of your time together and nurture the experience. It might blossom into a romance, but a romance doesn’t have to be sexual.

What I also learned

If it has to end, remember you should be healing from grief through gratitude. Extract those meaningful moments and learn from the cons of your loss. Then, try again.

There is an art of deciding to let go. Every lyric in these songs was raw and sincere, every word was true. Each singer had a feeling to manage and a decision to make: Love, die trying or say goodbye. Whatever. There was an action to take.

There comes a time when you have to cut your losses, accept your consequences and move on positively. That’s why my favourite of all the songs and perhaps my all-time favourite is All I have to be, by Amy Grant.

If you’re in a healthy relationship that is unsustainable (e.g. long distance, neither of you is able to move but now you really would like to have the sex and start a family. Or one person wants to have kids and the other strongly doesn’t.), take what you need to take out of it and leave.

Please don’t manipulate the other person into having things your way. It generally doesn’t last.

As for a toxic relationship, take what you need to take out of it and leave fast. If you choose to stay, stay with all your heart and deal with the consequences.

The Perfect Gift

The perfect gift is thoughtful, fills a need and is memorable. This gift ticked all those boxes. Most of all, I am grateful to have learned to cut my losses and move on positively.

Healing from grief through gratitude is one way you can beat negativity. This gift gives me a rush of positive love through my favourite form of expression: music.